Courage, Dear Heart

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8, NIV). If anyone knew anything about Satan’s war against us, it was Peter. And if you know Peter’s journey, then you know that more often than not he stumbled and fell in the midst of those battles…just like so many of us. That’s why I love Peter so much – he’s so incredibly relatable. The ups and downs in his journey showcase a man who truly loved Jesus with all of his heart, yet his humanness got in the way. This was a man who went from denying Jesus as He was being crucified for our sins – for Peter’s sins – to a man who stood in front of the Sanhedrin (a council which literally held the power of life and death over Peter’s head) and said, “Which is right in God’s eyes: to listen to you, or to Him? You be the judges! As for us, we cannot help but speak about what we have seen and heard ” (Acts 4:19, NIV). Peter’s journey through his own humanness ...

I have been watching the limited series on Netflix, “Unbelievable.” And let me tell you – my blood is boiling. If you aren’t familiar to the series, it’s based on a true story where a young woman was bullied into recanting a true rape statement by the police and family members. Finally, years later, proof came out that she had been telling the truth. She was able to sue the state, but the emotional damage had been done. She lost all of her friends and family. And I couldn’t help but think… I have been her. I have been the girl who decided to go to the police. I have sat while a detective questioned my story over and over again, with not-so-veiled blaming statements such as, “If you knew he was abusive, why would you get in the car with him?” I have been the girl who was accused of lying, not just by a friend, but by almost every single person on my college campus, including my two best friends, who actually took my abuser’s side – a man who’d sexually assaulted me the night ...

Since going public with my blog in November of 2017, I’ve often felt like I am “playing Cinderella.” All of a sudden I had these swarms of well-meaning people doing their absolute best to squeeze their feet into my fragile glass slippers. I couldn’t understand why – I mean, didn’t they see how breakable they were? Didn’t they see how scared I was to walk around in something so clear - so see-through - that all of my vulnerabilities were out in the open? Why would anyone ever want to fit into these slippers? Didn’t they see the pain it caused me? About six months after coming out with my blog, I met with a friend. She is sweet, well-meaning, and compassionate, but she couldn't understand the hell that I had walked through. Our lunch was going really well, until all of a sudden she said, “But if I was getting raped, I would fight back.” My stomach completely dropped and my throat swelled up. I had to blink the tears away so that she couldn’t see just how deeply she had ...

Meet Maddie: Maddie is currently a freshman at her high school. I’ve known her for a few years now, and I’ve always loved connecting with her. Maddie is a tough girl with a tender heart. Watching her grow into her faith for the last three years has been an incredible privilege, and if you know Maddie, it’s quite obvious that this girl is a born leader. She’s touched my heart (as she does with everyone who knows her), and is incredibly wise for her age. I am consistently astounded by her outlook on life, ability to keep boundaries, and love for Jesus. She was one of the first people I thought of for this project, and I was thrilled when she agreed to take part in this series. Maddie is a busy girl. She is currently taking several honors classes, algebra, and then is also in her school’s show choir. I actually remember when Maddie auditioned for show choir, and was thrilled for her when I found out she had made it (though I was not surprised). After school, she has show choir pr...

Since I started my internship four weeks ago, I decided to do something new on my blog. This series over the next four weeks will be called “Sold-Out.” My degree is in youth ministry, and I primarily work with the youth group for my internship, focusing mostly on the middle and high school girls. I have wanted to find ways to integrate my personal life with my work/academic life, and I thought this series would be a really great start. So, for this series, I will interview several girls in my youth group about their journeys in school, relationship with God, and get their perspective on what it means to be “sold out” for Jesus. Meet Meri: Meri is currently a junior in high school. I have been blessed to know Meri since she was a baby, and she is one of the most precious girls in my life – truly a little sister to me. I have been able to watch her grow up and into her relationship with Christ, and I have loved seeing and being a part of that journey. Everyone who knows Meri is ...

You are not hidden, There’s never been a moment you were forgotten You are not hopeless, But you have been broken, your innocence stolen To say this semester has been tough is a huge understatement. I’m not sure I have ever been so overwhelmed; with two jobs on top of 18 credit hours, I have been exhausted and completely drained. As my pain and insomnia worsens, everything takes so much more effort. My last few weeks in particular have been insane. I could count on one hand how many hours I’ve slept in the last 15 or so days. I have been under intense spiritual attack, but I have refused to relent in my pursuit of ministry. I can feel Satan ensuing a battle over me, and my body is so worn from it. Then a couple of days ago, as I renewed my strength again and stood strong in the Lord, I learned that a prior abuser lives in my town. This was the abuser who caused me to drop out of my old college. I decided to transfer because of him – because the restraining order was never ...

Who the Son sets free Oh is free indeed I’m a child of God, yes I am Today (October 1st) marks the anniversary of the day I got out of my final abusive relationship. I know people often say this at anniversaries, but I truly never thought I would get here. If you told me a year ago I would be in this place – safe, happy, and healing – I wouldn’t have believed you. A year ago, I was a scared girl with a wilted spirit. I was broken, felt utterly forsaken, and didn’t see any redemption in my future. Now, I’m strong. I’m a warrior. I have amazing friends who love me. I have roommates who cherish me and whom I cherish. I have brothers-in-Christ who care about me and protect me at every turn. I’m in a beautiful home, in my senior year of college about to finish my ministry degree, and I’m in a type of therapy that’s truly helping me heal. I’ll finish my degree with honors and a purpose to change the sex industry in the world. ~ I’m a child of God, yes I am. ~ A year ago, I was te...