Courage, Dear Heart

This year, one of my goals was to really dive into the Word. I’ve loved reading the Old Testament, and I’m currently re-reading the book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel was a prophet appointed to share the word of God to the Judeans during the Babylonian exile; while most of these prophecies heeded warnings of the trials to come, God would often share prophecies of hope: “‘I will gather you from the peoples and assemble you out of the countries among which you have been scattered, and I will give you the land of Israel.’ And I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them. And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my ordinances. Then they will be my people, and I shall be their God ”  (Ezekiel 11:17, 19-20, NASB).  Though Ezekiel was prophesying to the Judeans, I have often prayed this same prayer... God, please remove this heart of stone, and give me a heart of flesh.  I deeply strugg...

The last couple of weeks have been really hard on me and my husband. We’ve had some health scares and a lot of personal struggles that have felt so overwhelming. As I’m sure other couples can relate, I truly believe that Satan fears what a Godly relationship can bring to the Kingdom of God. In response to that fear, he wiggles in the best he can, using lies, fears, strongholds, and reminders of our pasts. He does his absolute best to usurp the power and protection that Jesus has over that relationship. The closer Ethan and I grow to each other and God, the harder Satan fights against that threefold cord. As we have struggled to overcome these strongholds in our own lives and marriage, there has been a story from the Old Testament I’ve fixated on: the story of the prophet Elisha and his servant in the book of 2 Kings. In this story, the king of Aram (present-day Syria) was waging war against Israel; during this time, Elisha was prophesying to the king of Israel in order to prepare him f...

In one moment, my life was changed forever.  I was only 19, and I still needed my dad. Seeing him that night was more devastating than I can ever express. My dad was an Iron Man and a seven-time half Iron Man - how could he have a heart attack? And didn’t God know that  I still needed my dad? Didn’t God know that the world needed my dad? Didn’t God know that my church needed my dad? Didn’t God know?  My dad would never meet my husband. He would never walk me down the aisle, and he would never be the one to marry us. He would never see me get my first job, or graduate college against the odds. He would never see me finally get a real diagnosis, after 13 years of being sick without answer. He would never see me decide to go into the ministry field instead of education. He’d never see me discover my truth worth. He’d never make it to his 46th birthday .  Come on, God. Didn’t you know?  God knew.  God knew that my dad would only be here on earth for 45 years. G...

If you know me at all, you know that my all-time favorite author is C.S. Lewis. I’m 26 years old, and my favorite book series is still The Chronicles of Narnia. His brilliance in retelling the Bible through a children’s series has reached around the world - to people of all kinds of faiths. I don’t think there is another author or series that could come close to what Lewis has done for the understanding of Christianity and Jesus’s sacrifice.  I chose to revamp my blog because of all of the darkness we are currently facing. “Aslan and Shadows” echoes so much of what I believe about Jesus. In “The Silver Chair,” Lewis writes,  “They turned and saw the Lion himself, so bright and real and strong that everything else at once began to look pale and shadowy compared to him.”    Similarly, in the book of Revelation, John writes,   “The City does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp” (Revelation ...

If you have kept up with the news, you know about Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor (and her boyfriend), and George Floyd. You know about the peaceful protests and the riots. Or, maybe you’re staying away from the news and social media; maybe it’s too hard to hear, or too sensitive an issue. For the longest time, I did the same thing. I knew about the issue, and yet I covered it all with a blanket. And in my actions – in my silence – I hurt so many. I cannot be silent . We cannot remain silent. If we don’t fight this injustice and violence now, what happened to Ahmaud, Breonna, and George (along with hundreds of thousands of others throughout history) will continue to escalate. We must do better. Unfortunately, I have noticed that social justice gets a bad reputation amongst Christians; but if you read the Word, it becomes obvious that Jesus was a true representative and advocate for social justice. Listen to the story of the Good Samaritan: In this p...

Faith…faith has been hard lately. I think it’s getting a bit hard for everyone right now, as we are all so isolated. I got diagnosed with celiac disease about 6 months ago. They say healing from the damage can take a while, but I started experiencing new symptoms. I am finally having some follow up procedures in a couple of days, but man, I’m scared. Sometimes, faith is really, really hard. My pain has been pretty bad in the last couple of months, and while I’ve found things that help at times, there are still nights of agony. There are nights when I am begging for my Father to show up. Begging Him to heal me – even just for the night – because it’s too much to take. I lie there crying, with my husband next to me, praying. He’s crying out to God too, because it’s harder for him to watch me than it is for me to go through it. I beg and I ask, “Please, Jesus, it’s okay if you don’t heal me for good. But just this one night…please. I can’t do this anymore.” More often than n...

If you have read my blog before, you know I feel very called to help people who have been through the same types of things I’ve endured. I try to reach out to those who have been sexually abused or assaulted, and as I’ve talked to these men and women, I’ve noticed a very common denominator: shame. I’ve yet to talk to someone who has endured abuse or assault who does not feel some kind of shame. I’ve certainly experienced much of it in my own life…and I never want others to feel that way. I never wanted to be “her.” I never wanted to have to hide the bruises and the shame. My childhood was fairly sheltered, and I never really knew what abuse was. I’d heard of it, of course, but I never thought I’d fall victim to such violence. Growing up, I was very independent. I had a voice and I used it. I wasn’t someone to buckle back from confrontation. All of that changed in an instant. I had such a “set” purpose. I refused to allow anyone to hold me down; I wanted to be independent, a...