Didn’t God Know?

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In one moment, my life was changed forever. 

I was only 19, and I still needed my dad. Seeing him that night was more devastating than I can ever express. My dad was an Iron Man and a seven-time half Iron Man - how could he have a heart attack? And didn’t God know that I still needed my dad? Didn’t God know that the world needed my dad? Didn’t God know that my church needed my dad? Didn’t God know? 

My dad would never meet my husband. He would never walk me down the aisle, and he would never be the one to marry us. He would never see me get my first job, or graduate college against the odds. He would never see me finally get a real diagnosis, after 13 years of being sick without answer. He would never see me decide to go into the ministry field instead of education. He’d never see me discover my truth worth. He’d never make it to his 46th birthday. 

Come on, God. Didn’t you know? 

God knew. God knew that my dad would only be here on earth for 45 years. God knew that we would hurt, but we’d make it through. God knew that we needed Him, so He made sure to show up. 

On that night, I felt God with me in a way I didn’t expect. As I fell back against the bathroom cabinet, realizing that dad was gone, I felt these arms wrap around me. I felt the comfort of God, holding me, and telling me that my dad was with Him. And in all of that suffering, through all of that pain, I was able to embrace God as my eternal Father. 

“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you have received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father!” (Romans 8:15, NIV).

Abba, Father...Daddy, daddy. That’s what “Abba” most closely translates to in English. That’s who our God is. 

My dad will never know how much he had a hand in where I am today; that years of teaching me about Jesus and how to endure suffering through Him would help me graduate college. It would help me learn how to trust again and marry a good, Godly man. He never knew how much I would resonate on the words he told me when I had to leave college: “Tay, God is writing your life story. I know this chapter sucks, but I promise you, there will be a happy ending.” He’d never know that those words would carry me through so much heartache and heartbreak. 

To those of you who lost your daddies: God sees you. He knows. 
To those of you who never knew your daddies: God sees you. He knows. 
To those of you who were hurt by your daddies: God sees you. He knows. 
To the daddies who lost a child: God sees you. He knows. 
To the men who have prayed and prayed to become a daddy: God sees you. He knows.
To the single mothers who have had to take on both roles: God sees you. He knows.  
To all of you suffering on this day: I promise you, God sees you. He knows. 

I know that so many of you have endured more than I can ever comprehend. But if you need someone to walk with you through that hurt, I am here. I am praying for you, I care for you, and I am so sorry if this day is hard to bear. You are not alone. 

“A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling” (Psalm 68:5, NIV). 




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