Courage, Dear Heart

Meet Maddie: Maddie is currently a freshman at her high school. I’ve known her for a few years now, and I’ve always loved connecting with her. Maddie is a tough girl with a tender heart. Watching her grow into her faith for the last three years has been an incredible privilege, and if you know Maddie, it’s quite obvious that this girl is a born leader. She’s touched my heart (as she does with everyone who knows her), and is incredibly wise for her age. I am consistently astounded by her outlook on life, ability to keep boundaries, and love for Jesus. She was one of the first people I thought of for this project, and I was thrilled when she agreed to take part in this series. Maddie is a busy girl. She is currently taking several honors classes, algebra, and then is also in her school’s show choir. I actually remember when Maddie auditioned for show choir, and was thrilled for her when I found out she had made it (though I was not surprised). After school, she has show choir pr...

Since I started my internship four weeks ago, I decided to do something new on my blog. This series over the next four weeks will be called “Sold-Out.” My degree is in youth ministry, and I primarily work with the youth group for my internship, focusing mostly on the middle and high school girls. I have wanted to find ways to integrate my personal life with my work/academic life, and I thought this series would be a really great start. So, for this series, I will interview several girls in my youth group about their journeys in school, relationship with God, and get their perspective on what it means to be “sold out” for Jesus. Meet Meri: Meri is currently a junior in high school. I have been blessed to know Meri since she was a baby, and she is one of the most precious girls in my life – truly a little sister to me. I have been able to watch her grow up and into her relationship with Christ, and I have loved seeing and being a part of that journey. Everyone who knows Meri is ...

You are not hidden, There’s never been a moment you were forgotten You are not hopeless, But you have been broken, your innocence stolen To say this semester has been tough is a huge understatement. I’m not sure I have ever been so overwhelmed; with two jobs on top of 18 credit hours, I have been exhausted and completely drained. As my pain and insomnia worsens, everything takes so much more effort. My last few weeks in particular have been insane. I could count on one hand how many hours I’ve slept in the last 15 or so days. I have been under intense spiritual attack, but I have refused to relent in my pursuit of ministry. I can feel Satan ensuing a battle over me, and my body is so worn from it. Then a couple of days ago, as I renewed my strength again and stood strong in the Lord, I learned that a prior abuser lives in my town. This was the abuser who caused me to drop out of my old college. I decided to transfer because of him – because the restraining order was never ...

Who the Son sets free Oh is free indeed I’m a child of God, yes I am Today (October 1st) marks the anniversary of the day I got out of my final abusive relationship. I know people often say this at anniversaries, but I truly never thought I would get here. If you told me a year ago I would be in this place – safe, happy, and healing – I wouldn’t have believed you. A year ago, I was a scared girl with a wilted spirit. I was broken, felt utterly forsaken, and didn’t see any redemption in my future. Now, I’m strong. I’m a warrior. I have amazing friends who love me. I have roommates who cherish me and whom I cherish. I have brothers-in-Christ who care about me and protect me at every turn. I’m in a beautiful home, in my senior year of college about to finish my ministry degree, and I’m in a type of therapy that’s truly helping me heal. I’ll finish my degree with honors and a purpose to change the sex industry in the world. ~ I’m a child of God, yes I am. ~ A year ago, I was te...

It’s been a while since I’ve written. Life has been pretty intense lately. I didn’t think senior year would be stressful, but as it turns out, I was wrong (shocker). Taking on another job, combined with this new therapy, has been pretty exhausting. My pain and insomnia have flared up again, and my body is telling me that I’m doing too much. I keep telling myself that I’ll let go of something once it gets to be too overwhelming, but I’m not sure I’ll ever admit to myself that I'm already there. I know that I don’t have anything to prove to anyone, yet I have this incessant need to try to push my body to the breaking point, all the while knowing that my breaking point comes much sooner than most people my age. I don’t tend to talk about my pain much anymore. When I’m having a bad pain day, it takes a lot for me to ask for prayers or ask for help, because after eleven years, I've convinced myself that no one wants to hear it. I wake up every morning in pain, and I go to be...

“Now the Lord is in the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom ” (2 Corinthians 3:17). After 4 ½ years of schooling, I have finally entered my senior year. With so many serious diseases and health issues, I wasn’t sure if I would ever make it this far. Refusing to be a driven person has never been an option for me. I knew that if I wanted to make it (not just through college, but through life ), then I would have to be a driven, diligent person. I couldn’t be lazy, and I couldn’t give up. I wouldn’t be able to wallow in self-pity (nor does the Lord want that from me), and I wouldn’t be able to stay on the ground when I got knocked down. Now, that isn’t to say that I don’t get knocked down. As a matter of fact, yesterday I had to leave class early because I’ve been doing poorly health-wise, particularly with my pain and insomnia. But I arose this morning, setting out for a new day, and reset. This year, I am taking 18 credit hours both semesters. I wil...

“The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self – all your wishes and precautions – to Christ” (C.S. Lewis). I used to absolutely hate it when people told me to “just trust in God.” Didn’t they know what I was going through? Couldn’t they see that this was absolutely impossible for me? Life used to seem that way – impossible – all the time. I didn’t see a way out, and I couldn’t trust anyone , least of all God. It wasn’t that I hated Him, or blamed Him for the things I was going through; I could often be grateful for the times He never left me. I was grateful…but trust was a different thing entirely. When I began dating the worst abuser, all of my walls went up. He taught me that I could trust no one around me – no one except for him . And I did trust him, for a while. He had groomed me to believe that he was the only one who would never leave (so long as I did everything he wanted), and eventually, in accordance with his wishes, I shut ...