Courage, Dear Heart

In a moment of total vulnerability (which I am so good at), this past week has been incredibly difficult for me. When the school year ended, and I lost my counselor and one of my closest friends as a roommate, I thought I was totally ready and able to take on the rest of the year. I had to hop on a long ride to Philly right before my friend moved out, and the week I spent there was incredible (as my last post expressed). I came back very filled, and felt even more confident that this coming year – my senior year – would be so much easier than what I’d faced this last year. I wasn’t expecting the crushing loneliness. My new roommates are super awesome, one of whom has been a wonderful friend for the last six months. However, being the only single person in this house, where I’m constantly surrounded by couples, has been crushing. There’s nothing anyone can do – it’s not that I’m feeling left out by anyone – I’m simply lonely . So many changes have happened so quickly, and I’ve...

Clipped wings, I was a broken thing Had a voice, had a voice, but I could not sing You would wind me down I struggled on the ground So lost, the line had been crossed Had a voice, had a voice, but I could not talk You held me down… I struggle to fly now I heard this song by Sia about a week ago, and I haven’t been able to stop listening to it. This song compares women who are being abused to a bird locked in a cage, and I think there's no better analogy. There’s one person in particular who has had such a hold on my life – I see this person when I open my eyes in the morning, and when I close them at night. Sleep is riddled with nightmares of this person finding me, and hurting one of my friends in efforts to get back at me. For so long I was paralyzed by that fear. I would toss and turn at night, running through what I would do in that situation over and over again until I was shaking and in tears. I knew that whatever came, I would protect the people I loved rega...

*Disclaimer: this is different than anything I have ever posted on this blog. I think it is very important to write about, and I believe God can use it to shine light into your life, but understand it may be a bit intense for some younger readers. “Courage, dear heart.” Aslan whispered these words to Lucy in the Voyage of the Dawn Treader (C.S. Lewis). I know I’m a bit old for fairy tales, but I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow the magnificence that is The Chronicles of Narnia . I find myself relating to so many of the characters; but sadly, they are not often the brave heroes of the stories. Instead I find myself relating to Edmund rather than Peter, or Susan rather than Lucy. I’m Emeth in The Last Battle , Shasta in The Horse and His Boy , and Digory in The Magician’s Nephew . The common thread? Fear . Tonight, I heard God speak to me through a fairy tale: courage, dear heart . “My child, what can you fear? For if I am for you, no one can stand against you. ” Ah, Jesus, but ...