What Kind of Man is This?

-
“Then Jesus got into the boat and His disciples followed Him. Suddenly, a furious storm came upon the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke Him, saying, ‘Lord, save us! We are going to drown!’ He replied, ‘You of little faith, why are you afraid?’ Then He got up and rebuked the winds and waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, 

‘What kind of man is this, that even the winds and waves obey Him?’” (Matthew 8:23-27, NIV)

When I read about the miracles of Jesus in the New Testament, I’m always partial to this one; it’s a reminder of the powerful God we serve. Even the winds and waves obey Him. But lately...I’ve been one of those disciples. 

If I’d been there on the boat that day, Jesus would have been speaking to me when He said, “You of little faith. Why are you afraid?”

As much as I hate to admit it, I can be so, so faithless. 

I see and read about the miracles of Jesus; I read about the Man who healed the sick, walked on water, raised the dead, calmed the waves...I want to believe that same Jesus will save me, but what do I do when I feel so abandoned? 

There are times in my life when I doubt, whether it be God’s goodness, His love, or His presence. This week has been so hard. I don’t want to be one of those scared disciples, yet I am. And then yesterday, as I read this story again, I heard it in a different perspective. Instead of hearing a harsh rebuke, I heard a gentle, loving Father, saying, 

“You of little faith. Why are you afraid? Why do you doubt? Don’t you know I love you, that I am with you, that I died for you? Just let go. My arms will catch you. You don’t have to be afraid.” 

As I read it this way, I began to stop feeling so abandoned, so broken, and so beaten. And now, I can’t help but think the same thing as the disciples that day - what kind of man is this? As I ponder, I know:

This is a Man who thought I was worth dying for. 
This is a Man who forgives me in every moment of faithlessness. 
This is a Man who holds me on the nights my pain overwhelms me. 
This is a Man who comforts me when the grief is too much to take. 

Even when I am faithless, He remains faithful. Even when I doubt, He remains good. So as hard as it is at times, I will resolve myself to see that goodness. I will resolve myself to believe even when I cannot see. I will wake up in the morning and remember that come what may - be it sickness, or pain, or death, or grief - He is good.

“For whoever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world - our faith.” (1 John 5:4, NASB)

 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Childless Mother

-
Image
A womb that will always be empty. A nest forever free of little hens.  I thought I was okay. I am okay, right?  Since having to make the decision, I’ve told myself so many things to make myself forget how painful this might be. I push, push, pushed it down, until I could pretend that it didn’t exist - the agony of knowing my womb will never grow a child full of both Ethan and I. I’d never know whose laugh that child would get, whose eyes, whose sense of humor. Whether he would have a strong personality like me or a gentle personality like Ethan. Whether she’d need braces, or get lucky like I did. Whether he’d be a ‘sports’ kid, or an ‘academic’ kid.  No matter the option, it wasn’t choice. I knew in my heart that regardless of so many mothering possibilities out there, my physical body is incapable of caring for a child from womb through adulthood.  I told myself it doesn’t matter, because I’d have been a shit mom anyways. I’d have little patience, I wouldn’t be loving enough, I would
Read more

Girl of Light

-
Image
She was so filled with light.  That sweet girl, with the big, bright smile, and the deep brown eyes. She had a big personality, and a big heart to go along with it.  She was so hopeful. She didn’t believe in Monsters - even if there were Monsters, she knew that her God was big enough to stop them. She was invincible, she was safe, nothing could hurt her. She had the Mighty Word of God on her side - the Sword of the Spirit and the Shield of Faith. If she needed to fight off dragons, if she needed to fight off evil, she was equipped.  Her God was Mighty. Her God was invincible. Her God lived inside of her, and she was untouchable.  But the world did - touch her, that is.  There was a deep darkness that laid beneath the surface of the green grass she once loved. There was a creeping evil that hid underneath the dirt, crawling up. Its roots began wrapping themselves around her ankles.  She looked down, in panic. She frantically searched the beautiful, clear blue sky. She cried out to her M
Read more

Still I Rise

-
Image
When I started at my college in 2017, I had no idea that my feminist principles would come at such a cost. I had no idea that when I began to “Defend the weak and the fatherless and uphold the cause of the oppressed”  I would lose the respect of many whom I loved and treasured. I had no idea that my now husband would be “warned” about me by someone whom I thought was a friend.  “Be careful,”  this person said,  “because just so you know, she is super passionate about women pastors.” I had no idea that when I took a stand for women’s equality, my husband’s closest friend would refuse to come to our wedding, and beg him not to marry me. I had no idea that my passions would be called a sinful by professors and classmates. I had no idea I would receive hateful messages that would keep me up at night, crying, because I just wanted to love.  I had no idea that I would be left behind by those with whom I thought I was close.   How don’t they know my heart? Why can’t they trust it?  I look bac
Read more